BADASS MINDSET PODCAST

A Brave Farewell & A Powerful New Beginning...Until Further Notice.

• Lacy Wafer • Season 2 • Episode 59

Share episode

Imagine a world where every challenge is met with resilience and every setback is seen as a stepping stone to growth... That's the mindset shift we're exploring in this episode of BADASS MINDSET PODCAST. I recount my personal journey through the emotional upheaval caused by the current political climate and the overwhelming influence of social media, which stirred memories of a traumatic sexual assault back in 2017. By sharing my healing process through therapy and mindset coaching, I reveal how these experiences tested my belief that everything in life can be either a blessing or a lesson. Alongside this, we unpack the profound personal and political implications of my abortion experience in Texas, and how it dramatically reshaped my views on reproductive rights.

As I reach a pivotal moment, I'm sharing about my transition towards philanthropy, signaling a new chapter in both my personal and professional life. After a year of hosting this podcast, moving forward, I am choosing to focus more on promoting the welfare of others in a slightly different way, by contributing my time, energy, knowledge, and resources directly to the cause & people involved. This episode is a temporary farewell, but also an invitation to continue our journey of personal growth & healing together. Connect with me over on Instagram @boldlylacy to stay in touch, connect with me personally on your journey, and most importantly, embrace your inner BADASS as we support each other on this incredible path of transformation!! 

Let's challenge each other to show up as the best versions of ourselves, not just for us, but for the world around us. Much love and gratitude, always. <3

Share a personal story or submit a question you'd like answered in a future episode!

❤️‍🔥SUBSCRIBE to the podcast for weekly tips and insights to fuel your journey!⚡️

❤️‍🔥Add us on IG & TikTok @badassmindsetpodcast & @boldlylacy to connect deeper + ignite your journey and keep your growth game on point!!🤘🚀 Let’s goooo!

Speaker 1:

Hey babe, welcome, or welcome back to the Badass Mindset Podcast. I'm your host, laci, and I'm going to help you train your brain and your body to manifest groundbreaking levels of health, happiness and success in your life. I'm so fired up. You're here because it is time for us as a society to rewrite the outdated belief that wanting and achieving more is greedy, selfish or just wishful thinking. We're about to go on a deep dive into mindset mastery, where you'll learn all about how to rewire your brain, turn your setbacks into your success story and awaken the ultimate badass that lives within you. So if you're ready to create some serious magic and epic results in your life, take a quick minute to set an intention for what you want to get out of listening to this episode, and then let's fucking go. Welcome back, badass. Long time no see. Okay, it's been like a week. You may or may not have noticed that I did not release a new episode last week, and that is because my nervous system has been more dysregulated in the last two weeks than it has in the last five years, and that is because I fell victim to the TikTok and social media trap with all of the events going on with the election and just all the POV videos, the personal takes on all of the events going on with the election and just all the POV videos, the personal takes on all of the different policies and just things like that that play into which candidate you're voting for or supporting and which policies you're supporting. I just went down the rabbit hole and it really, really, had a negative effect on my psyche, and so I truth be told, I've been struggling the past couple of weeks because I've been filled with pure, just frustration, infuriation, if that's the right word all kinds of emotions that I have not felt in a long time.

Speaker 1:

Just to give some background and a quick trigger warning, I was raped back in 2017, the night of January 31st 2017. And for approximately three years following, I was extremely depressed. I mean to the point where I had no will left to live. I had no hope for a brighter future. I was having extremely vivid nightmares of grown, huge men chasing me to kill me, to rape me or both. I was having daily panic attacks. I was struggling to even get out of bed. I mean to the point where brushing my teeth for the day was a major win.

Speaker 1:

Maybe you can relate with this. Maybe you've been there before or maybe you're there now, but this was a huge, daunting time in my life and around the end of 2020, beginning of 2021, I decided to really begin my healing journey, and that started with getting myself into therapy and eventually hiring my first mindset coach. I always like to say that therapy was great for building a foundation in my healing journey. It was great for teaching me why I was feeling the way I did, where a lot of my feelings originated from. But mindset coaching was what helped me to rewire my brain, to change my habits and my identity and therefore my outcomes moving forward. So those two pieces really helped me to transform my life.

Speaker 1:

I mean a complete 180, to the point where I was no longer having the panic attacks, no longer having the nightmares. I lost over 75 pounds. I tripled my annual income in less than a year. I regulated my monthly cycle for the first time in my entire life, became the healthiest I'd ever been and even the happiest I've ever been, to the point where I literally consider myself the happiest person that I know. I finally reached a place where I have genuine inner peace that I don't know if I have the words to describe accurately, but I'll just say that place of stillness and security and confidence that's so deeply ingrained that literally nothing can bother you and nothing can take you out of that feeling of just love and gratitude. That's the way I describe the peace that I've been able to feel, just knowing that I'm good, no matter what, I'm protected from a worthiness standpoint, and everything in my life is either working for me or working on me, but it's always working. So I've really been thriving the past few years. But I guess this experience has really been a test for me and also very eye-opening One of my core beliefs that I reprogrammed. I used to think that life happened to me, that a lot of my outcomes were not my fault. Quote unquote Things were outside of my control and it wasn't fair. Life wasn't fair and while in very few cases, I do still believe there's some degree of truth to that, I replaced that belief with everything as either a blessing or a lesson, and this past two weeks have not quite felt like a blessing, but I think I have finally been able to find the lesson in this experience and that's what I'm going to share with you here today.

Speaker 1:

So to give you more context, when I was raped back in 2017, I was also impregnated by my rapist. Up until that point, I had always considered myself pro-life. Maybe you'll be able to relate with this stance, maybe you won't, but I didn't really care what other women chose to do with their body. But when it came to my body, I just never thought that I would get an abortion. I just didn't think it was for me. So I guess in a way, I was actually pro-choice, but I just didn't realize it Until when I got a call that day from my doctor saying that I was pregnant and my jaw dropped all the way to the floor because that didn't even cross my mind as a possibility. But the moment I heard the news, I didn't think for a second that I was keeping it. I knew immediately what my next step was, so I made the appointment and I got it done, and that was that. Now I live in Texas. So had this happened in the last two years, that wouldn't have been my story.

Speaker 1:

And this is very personal to me because, without making this about religion or politics, there is a pretty mutual agreement among all parties that there maybe should be some exceptions, right Rape, incest, medical complications when the mother's life is at risk, regardless what your religious or political beliefs. Most everyone who's not completely evil or out of touch pretty much agrees that there should be some exceptions. The only problem is at what point in the journey should that no longer be an option? There are currently 13 states with total abortion bans. Outside of those exceptions, there are more with abortion bans past a certain gestational period, but 13 with total ban outside of those three exceptions. Now here's the catch. Here's the thing that they don't want you to know, and by they I mean the people influencing us to vote one way or another Of these 13 states that currently have total abortion bans. Besides those exceptions, the time period allowed is only up to a certain point. Some of them are allowed, with one of the three exceptions, up to six weeks, and some of them are allowed, with one of the three exceptions, up to 12 weeks.

Speaker 1:

What I've been hearing a lot from the people who believe in exceptions but are also pro-life for themselves is that, yeah, they think that it should be okay, it should be allowed, there should be exceptions, but only up until this point, whatever that point is in their head that they've configured as the appropriate amount of time issue is the primary reason that a woman is to seek an abortion after the first trimester so beyond 13 weeks in the United States is due to medical concerns, and this is a public statistic. Anybody can go and look this up for themselves. The number one reason, which accounts for almost 99% of all abortions happening after the 13-week mark, are medical concerns. So the problem with the abortion bans and the gestation limits on those bans is the very people that you believe deserve exceptions and care in those special circumstances are the only ones hurting from this law, from this decision. Now we could go on and on and on, back and forth about when we think the limit should be, why it should be, and make exceptions and adjustments along the way through trial and error, but meanwhile women are literally dying, bleeding out and dying because they cannot receive care until they are to the point where their condition is classified as a medical emergency, which means full-blown septic or actually on her literal deathbed. I know multiple women who have been denied care for this exact reason and they've already miscarried the baby. The baby was literally inside of them, dead, but because they lived in a state where they were past the option period to receive that care, it would be classified and coded as an abortion, and no doctor wanted to risk their license or jail time.

Speaker 1:

What part of that sounds pro-life to you? What part of that is humane? And I know you may think well, that's one of those crazy stories that you hear about rarely. We can't save 100% of people. That's super unfortunate, but it's not the norm and I'm here to tell you that's false. There are stories like this everywhere. Look, and I promise you'll find them. I made a couple posts on TikTok and I started having many women reaching out sharing their version of this same story having to travel to other states to get the care they need. There are doctors here in Texas because I live in Texas telling them that you need this care and if you don't do something about it fast, it will become a medical emergency. But I can't give you preventative care. I can only take care of you after it's become an emergency. So I recommend you travel to New Mexico while you still can. It's not just unfortunate, it's inhumane. It's everywhere all the time.

Speaker 1:

On average, close to 20% of known pregnancies are miscarried. That's a big number. It's not low. It's not like 1% or 2%. 20% of pregnancies end in a miscarriage. This is a huge problem, and if women cannot receive the care they need, they have to wait until their body becomes infected by a dead fetus living inside of it, shutting down all of their organs, before they can receive care after it's a medical emergency because they're bleeding out on the table. There's nothing right about that. And this is where the misinformation comes in, because I've been seeing so many posts and videos that are from a place of unintelligence or simply misinformation, that are under the impression that there is not one state that would not provide care in that situation for a miscarriage or for a medical condition happening in the woman's body where the life could be at risk. But the flat-out truth is, yes, there are, there's at least 13 of them. There's around 30 states that have a gestational limit for abortions. You don't have to provide an exception to get it if it's before that time frame, but it's pretty much allowed across the boards up until that time frame, and most of them are around the 21 week mark, which is about seven months.

Speaker 1:

And I just want to say to you because this is the other narrative that I've been seeing everywhere and it has been driving me up the fucking wall it's that nobody and I mean nobody is waiting until they are nine, eight or even seven months pregnant and then deciding you know, I don't think I want this baby anymore. I don't think I want to do it. Let's abort it. Yep, yep, that's the answer. Let's get rid of it. Nobody is fucking doing that, that any woman who is seeking an abortion at seven months along wanted that baby and is doing it as a last resort because there are no other viable options. Let's be so fucking for real. I'm so sick of seeing this narrative. I mean we've even gotten to the point where now we're accusing women of killing their baby after it's born. We're getting post-birth abortions Like that doesn't exist. It's a narrative made up by one political party to mislead an entire body of people and make you think that the other side is so inhumane and evil and wrong. It's to radicalize this idea and the fact of the matter is it's complete bullshit and anyone seeking a late-term abortion and pretty much anything after the first trimester is doing so out of necessity, not desire. Those were wanted babies. Now, my goal was not to make this whole episode about abortions or politics, but I'm going to say one last thing before I move on.

Speaker 1:

The day after I was raped, I called up my friend whose house I was at only a few hours before it happened and I said hey, I've got to tell you something, but I need to be really fucked up first. So we met up and drove to the liquor store, grabbed a bottle of tequila, threw back a couple shots while sitting in her truck and I told her he raped me. We sat there, we cried together, threw back a few more shots and after that night I buried it. I buried it and literally forgot that it happened. I'm a neuroscience student and there's this little thing that our brains can do when we experience trauma. We have the ability to take memories and store them away in a faraway place where it's safe, secure, completely black and there's no recollection of it. I was triggered to come back out. So after that night I buried it there and I forgot about it. I truly forgot that it happened.

Speaker 1:

Life carried on for me until I got that phone call from my doctor. The moment I heard the words you're pregnant, out pops this memory. I break down, my life falls apart. If you remember, I told you that I got this news at nine weeks. In Texas, our current abortion ban ends at six weeks. It's a total ban, with those three exceptions, but only up to six weeks. So had this happened to me in the last two years, I wouldn't have qualified for an abortion. I would have had to travel outside of Texas to receive that care. We're not going to talk about whether or not you think that's humane or whether or not I should have still received that care.

Speaker 1:

The point is I wouldn't have been able to in Texas, and that is where my frustration comes from. It's because this topic is so nuanced, it's not black and white. There is a lot of gray area and a lot of circumstances that are not able to be interpreted appropriately by some man in an office or anybody besides that specific woman and her doctor. That's where my gripe comes from and that's where my pain comes from, because this is personal, this is very personal and I just cannot imagine a world where we start moving backwards to less bodily autonomy, less equality, less freedom, less basic human rights which, let's be honest, are already not the greatest. So, all that to say, I believe that everything in my life is either working on me or working for me, but it's always working, and everything that happens is either a blessing or a lesson. Over the last two weeks, I've been struggling to find the blessing or the lesson, but I think I finally found it, because I've been having these feelings come up for a while now, but I didn't want to make any rash decisions on it too soon. So here's the tea.

Speaker 1:

When I started this podcast, I knew I wanted to make a big difference in people's lives. I wanted to teach people how to change their mind so they could change their life, and I wanted to share raw, vulnerable and authentic stories about experiences people have gone through and I've gone through myself how we were able to turn them around and transform our lives in the best way, to hopefully empower you to do the same and equip you with tools and resources to help you really put it into action and make it happen, and I hope that I've been able to do exactly that. I've received countless messages from you guys about different episodes or different ideas that really made an impact in your life, that changed something for you, that facilitated a breakthrough, that helped you see something differently, and I will always be so grateful for everyone listening in. We're currently being listened to by 25 countries at this point, nearly 300 cities. I mean it's insane and being on this lifelong personal growth journey myself. There will always be a place in my heart for this work.

Speaker 1:

But when I started this journey, I made a promise to myself because I didn't want to start something that I was really excited about, start off on a high note and then quit before I had a chance to see it through, before I had a chance to see it get good, to grow, to flourish. And so I made a promise to myself that I would do it for at least one whole year. I would release a new episode every single week for at least one whole year. And if, after the year was up, if I hated it or if I decided I don't want to do this anymore, that would be fine, because I stuck to something for an entire year, through many seasons, many cycles, many opportunities to decide if this was truly something that I enjoyed and felt fueled by, or if it wasn't so much, or maybe I needed to pivot in some other direction. And at the time this episode is coming out, we've been live for almost 14 months, so just over that one year mark by a couple months. I'm extremely proud of what we've done, what we've grown into, but I have to be honest, I have been feeling the itch to pivot. I've been doing a lot of inner work to really gain clarity on what that next thing is, what it looks like, where it ends up, and as sucky as these last two weeks have been on my psyche and my nervous system, I think it was exactly what I needed to finally gain that clarity. I will be putting a pause on the podcast, but I don't know that it will be forever. If anything, we might release episodes on a periodic or sporadic basis, but moving forward, effective immediately. I will not be releasing new episodes every week. So what is next?

Speaker 1:

Let's just say I am officially entering my philanthropic era. Basically, to define philanthropy for you, philanthropy is the desire to promote the welfare of others, expressed especially by the generous donation of money to good causes. Be strictly through the form of donations? No, well, yes, but not just financial donations. It'll be donation of my time, donation of my energy, donation of my knowledge, experience and, yes, a little money too. But I've had so many things I've wanted to build, create, contribute to that, have kind of always taken the back burner to how can we make more money, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. That mindset and that perspective has served me up to this point. I've been able to do a lot more good and help a lot more people from this place of having more money and resources, so I have no regrets in the order and the route I took.

Speaker 1:

But at this place in my life I'm really feeling the nudge towards philanthropic work, and so I've started signing up for lots of volunteer positions and communities and networks that I align with. I've registered for a training on how to become an abortion doula. I didn't even know that was a thing until recently. It's very similar to a regular doula, like for pregnancy and birth, but it's to help women through the abortion process who may need that emotional and mental support and guidance. And I don't know how I'm going to help exactly with that in the state of Texas where there's a total abortion ban, especially since the cutoff is six weeks, but I'm feeling the call towards that, so I'm doing it. I'm also scheduled to retake my national real estate exam to reinstate my Texas real estate license here in just a couple weeks and I've got some ideas and plans on how I want to incorporate that into my work. But that is the gist of my plans and what is next for me and for the podcast.

Speaker 1:

It sounds like it's a little all over the place, a little bit of this and that, but when I tell you I'm so clear about this now like I genuinely feel like this is what I'm supposed to be doing right now. Maybe it'll change again down the line. Maybe I'll come back to releasing episodes every single week, maybe I'll even come back to coaching and holding coaching containers. I'm not sure, but what I do know is I'm craving time away from the noise, away from the online world, more time in the real world, being completely present with my family, with my friends, with the people that I am helping, and with myself and my creator. And I just want to honor this part of my journey and also encourage you, no matter where you are at in your journey, to honor all parts of it.

Speaker 1:

There are seasons we go through. Some are seasons of hustle and grind and some are seasons of rest and rejuvenation. I am moving into a slower season, not in the sense of the work I'm doing in the world, but in the sense of being connected to this world and this society, of being on the go and doing, doing, doing Noise, noise, noise and skipping over feeling and being. And that's just where I'm at. And now this feels like a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders, because I have been sitting on recording this episode for at least a week. I just knew it was going to take a lot out of me, just putting it all out there, all on the table, completely vulnerable and authentic, and I'm just so glad I did and that it's done and I can move forward, focusing on peace and harmony with myself and my connection to the universe and this world.

Speaker 1:

So if you listened to this episode in its entirety, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Speaker 1:

I love you so much. I will hopefully talk to you again soon. I won't be completely off of social media, so please feel free to add me over on Instagram at Boli Lacey and keep up with me and the work that I'm doing there. But in the meantime, keep showing up for you, keep working on you and keep being the badass that you are. You are doing the damn thing. Let's fucking go. Thank you so much for being here and, queen, give yourself a high five for showing up and committing to be the best version of yourself for you and your people. You are such a badass for that, if you got anything good from this episode, would you send the love back by dming me on instagram at boldly lacy, letting me know exactly which part resonated with you. These types of messages empower me to keep showing up, and they also help me understand the types of conversations you really care about. All right, bestie, we'll talk again soon, but for now, it's time for you to step up and start being the badass that we both know you are.