BADASS MINDSET PODCAST

Rebuilding from rock bottom. Finding strength (and even JOY) in 'the struggle'

• Lacy Wafer • Season 2 • Episode 41

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In reflection over a heartfelt conversation during my recent vacation, this episode is all about honoring your healing and growth journey, no matter how small or insignificant the steps may seem.

Ever had to start over from scratch, leaving everything behind? Rewind to 2016, and you'll hear my story of navigating a rough breakup while living with an ex who refused to leave MY apartment. We're talking about emotional and financial hurdles I had to overcome at this time in my life, and having to go back and start over from GROUND ZERO. With nothing (but debt and regret).

This chapter is a testament to resilience, highlighting how hitting rock bottom can sometimes lay the foundation for a ✨fresh start✨. Also, it's time you start celebrating your commitment to self-growth and healing, and remembering that you are a true BADASS for being on this journey!!

Share a personal story or submit a question you'd like answered in a future episode!

❤️‍🔥SUBSCRIBE to the podcast for weekly tips and insights to fuel your journey!⚡️

❤️‍🔥Add us on IG & TikTok @badassmindsetpodcast & @boldlylacy to connect deeper + ignite your journey and keep your growth game on point!!🤘🚀 Let’s goooo!

Speaker 1:

Hey, bestie, welcome, or welcome back to the Bold and Badass Podcast. I'm your host, lacey, and I'm fired up that you're here, because I am so tired of women feeling inadequate for not being further along in life and like they're crazy or ungrateful, even for wanting more. On this show, I'm going to help you cut through the noise, turn your setbacks into your success story and become the most bold and badass version of you. I'm talking about calling in the most exciting opportunities, experiences and people into your life and claiming the abundance that is your birthright. So if you're ready to make some serious magic happen, grab your coffee and water and let's fucking go. Hello, beautiful, welcome back to another week, another episode. I'm so glad that you're here. As always, I appreciate you being here week in and week out, and I have a short and sweet message for you. Today. I actually had another episode planned, an interview, but I just got back from vacation.

Speaker 1:

We went to Cancun, our extended family vacation we try to do once every year, with all the siblings and Jalen's papa and everybody on that side. So that was super fun. But Jalen is now four years old. If you don't know Jalen, my son, he's four and traveling with a toddler. We needed a vacation from the vacation. I'll just say that we just got back and we were like, yeah, let's run that back without Jalen this time as a baby. It was chill because it was just like somebody's going to hold the baby and he's just floating in the water. It was fun. But this year we were at a resort where they had a kid's water park and it was amazing for him. He had the time of his life, but he was around all of his family, he was having the time of his life, he had a level of confidence that he doesn't have at home and he was trying us. I'll just say that. So by the time we got back, we're like, yeah, we need a vacation from that vacation. So you might catch us back in Cancun here in a few months. We'll see.

Speaker 1:

Hold tight, but anyways, the reason I wanted to change the episode that I originally planned for this week is because while I was on vacation, I had a conversation and it just stuck with me a little bit and I felt this nudge that this is the message that needs to be shared this week. So I was talking with someone and they were like, you know, I've only known you for a short time, but I see so much change in you. I've seen what feels like growth in you and I was in the pool, I was a little tipsy, just a little like, barely barely. But you know, once you get like a little bit of alcohol in your system and certain emotions become intensified, well, I had that warm, fuzzy emotion of like gratitude and just pride for the growth that I have actually had in my life in the last four years, because if you know anything about my journey, it really started in the last four years.

Speaker 1:

I've always been into health and wellness. I've always been into personal development for as long as I've been alive or been aware, but my actual healing journey didn't truly begin until the end of 2020. I had gone through this really dark period after my sexual assault in 2017. And the actual healing from that and true healing from my childhood, my inner child and all of my past trauma didn't begin until after that. So in 2020, the last four years of my life have drastically transformed throughout this healing journey and so to hear someone reflect that back to me and they haven't even known me that long it was just extremely validating and gratifying and it almost brought me to tears because a lot of people they see the growth that I've made, they see this transformation, but they don't know the work that I did. They don't know the true depths of the work that I did and they don't know the true depths of the dark place I was in before the work happened.

Speaker 1:

I'm so quick to preach. You know, change your mind and you'll change your life. All you need to do is change your mind. You just upgrade your mindset and everything around you gets better. But I don't talk enough about the stops along the way, the phases in which you grow. I don't talk enough about the hardships throughout it. And it's not like I used to be a toxic, positive person. That's not what it is now. It truly is finding the gratitude and everything. For me that did like the biggest number.

Speaker 1:

But I feel like there are times where we do need to talk about some of the stuff, the real conversations, so it doesn't seem like, oh, you don't know. Struggle Like you don't know what I've been through. There's a really good chance that I probably know what you're going through, or I've been through it myself, and there are stories that a lot of people don't know that when I tell them. They're like oh my God, I have no idea, like I had no idea that happened to you or that you went through that, and so I think that sharing some of those will make a world of difference in communicating the message I want to communicate, which is if you upgrade your mindset, you will upgrade your life. You will transform your entire life. I did it myself. I'm living, breathing proof, and that's what I want for you as well.

Speaker 1:

But I just wanted to share this story because there are a few of you in this community that I know personally who are in a place right now where you feel like you're not as far along as you should be right, like you're not as far along as you should be right. You're either at an age or a stage in your life where you feel like you should be further along, and maybe you're seeing your friends and your family around you who are either the same age as you or in the same stage of life as you that are maybe advancing a little quicker. Maybe they're getting married, or they're having kids, or they're landing their dream job, or they're buying their first house, they're living on their own for the first time. Whatever, it is right when you feel like you should have been doing that by now but you are not. Or you just faced something extremely traumatic or trialing for you in your life and you feel like you are starting back at square one or you lost everything you built. If that's how you feel, I can't tell you enough how much I relate and how much I have been there. You don't see a lot of that because social media is a highlight reel, right? We don't post the darkest of the dark days on our Instagram or Facebook for the world to see. We usually don't hear about those things until we're out of it on the other side. So my goal and my hope for this is to shed some light on some of those periods, like through the transformation, through the growth, so that you know one, you're not alone, but also like, hey, this is part of the journey and it's not just part of your journey, it's kind of part of everyone's journey, and there are some things to be grateful for and proud of and even excited about in these more trialing times in your journey.

Speaker 1:

So something I went through I want to say back in like 2016, I was dating this dude. Please don't research to like stalk and figure out who I'm talking about. I'm not trying to bring anybody's name up here. I'm just telling you about an experience. I have no beef with this person and I don't have any ill will for them, but I was dating this guy and I wanted to break up and we were living in my apartment at the time. It was my name signed on the lease and he refused to leave For nearly six months. I was trying to kick this man out because I wanted to break up, but he refused to leave, and the common law in Texas is that if somebody lives in a place of residence doesn't matter if their name's on the lease or not for more than a certain amount of time. It's literally such a short time, it's like a month or less but if they live there for this certain amount of days, then that is legally their place of residence. So you cannot force them to leave. Well, since that was the case I mean we'd been living together, we were dating for a few years I couldn't force him to leave.

Speaker 1:

Well, it got into the point where I actually became scared for my safety. Okay, and I won't go into details, but I was scared enough that the same week I was ready to move out and just like surrender my apartment to this man. Okay, I literally went on a manhunt search for a new apartment. I still had three or four months left on my current lease and so I had to bite a bullet here. I had to make a decision.

Speaker 1:

This was a really tough place for me where I felt like, oh my God, this is going to set me back so much and everything I've built. I've been living on my own for the last three or four years. I've worked for everything I have. I buy most everything I own myself with money I worked hard for, and I'm going to lose it all to this person who's just being difficult and won't leave me alone. And so I had to come out like three grand and pay off the lease for this apartment so that I could move into this new apartment where I felt safe. And not only did I have to pay off the lease, but I also had to leave a lot of my big items like my washer, my dryer and my big appliances that were mine, but I didn't have the personnel or the capacity to get them out myself and I didn't feel safe enough to drag this out.

Speaker 1:

So this all happened in quiet, by the way, because some of my family members were friends with this person and I didn't want to soil that relationship with whatever like, with my drama, with what was going on with me and that person. And you know it was a soft part of me. I probably would have done it differently looking back, but there was a part of me that was like I don't want to burden their relationship, I don't want to be the reason that their relationship dies. They didn't know about this situation going on, so they weren't choosing to stay friends knowing that this toxic situation was going on. That wasn't the case. That would have been different if they were choosing that, even though they knew how I was being treated. They didn't know, and so I didn't want to ruin their innocent relationship with that person, so I kept it to myself. But we got out and I did what I had to do and there's a freedom in that. There's a genuine freedom in starting fresh.

Speaker 1:

And I hear sometimes from people I know and also people on the internet you know it's a place where people vent but I hear about people who feel like everything they've worked for, everything they've built, because of a life circumstance, a setback, a trial, a tribulation. Something comes up, whether it be in or out of your control, something that is not the most convenient or supportive thing happens in your life and it sets you back financially, physically, in whatever way, and you think why the fuck is this happening to me? What am I doing wrong? Why do I deserve this? Am I not worthy of better? Am I not doing as good as I thought I was doing? What am I doing wrong? And you think you're cursed, or you think like the world is out to get you, or the universe or God or something right. I know I felt that way. I felt like I was being punished. But this happened and then a level of freedom also came with it, like a fresh start came with that, and so there was positive in that A lot of business owners talk about this when they're in a later stage of their business and they're like super successful way down the road and they have all these things going on and their plate is so full with all these things.

Speaker 1:

They talk about the beauty in a fresh slate, a brand new venture. There's so much beauty in it because it's like the possibilities are endless at that point and there's nothing to lose, there's nothing holding you back, there's nothing riding on the next decision or the next move, and there's kind of a beauty and a freedom in that alone of just being able to be completely authentic, completely open and and free to express in whatever way you want to and create in whatever way you want to. And I think that's a stage that comes with this from either hitting rock bottom or losing it all and having to rebuild. I think there's a beauty in having a fresh start and getting to do it different. This time.

Speaker 1:

When I was talking to this person in Cancun about my growth journey and all of the stages along the way, we also talked about my relationship with Isaiah, which is my now husband, and many people don't know this. So we've been together for seven years, but there was a year and a half where we broke up. We were going through some trials of our own and we broke up, and a lot of people know we broke up, but they don't know the extent of it because of how we present ourselves to the outside world, which we talked about before we ever had kids. We talked about how we would co-parent if shit ever hit the fan. So we were on the same page. But we were broken up for a year and a half. She was like I thought y'all broke up for like a week and I was like, no, I moved out and everything. I moved out. I got my own place.

Speaker 1:

I was in this little 400 square foot loft and to this day it is one of my favorite places and my favorite memories of like time periods of my life, because in that little 400 square foot studio apartment I want you to imagine how tiny that is right now, like some people's bedrooms are 400 square foot, just a bedroom. That was my entire apartment. It was so tiny. I had a fold-out couch that doubled as a futon. That's what I slept on. And I had a stand-up desk, which I don't know if I had a chair. I think I ditched the chair because it was bulky and it like encouraged me to stand while working instead of sitting all day. And I had a tiny bookshelf, a tiny, tiny closet, my tiny little kitchen.

Speaker 1:

Like I'm telling you, this thing was tiny okay, but I loved it so much because that was the first place that I had ever been happy alone. That was the place where I learned who I was. I figured out what does Lacey like? What is Lacey's personality? What are Lacey's beliefs? Not the beliefs and the narratives and the worldly views that I adopted from my parents and my friends and my family and my peers all throughout my life, my childhood and through my adulthood. All of those melted away and I figured out who I was in that tiny little 400 square feet studio apartment. I literally transformed my life in that 400 square foot studio apartment and when I share this story to people who didn't know that, it's almost like a light bulb clicks for them every single time, like on their faces. When I told them this and they didn't know that, it's almost like a light bulb clicks for them every single time, like on their faces. When I told them this and they didn't know, the little light bulb switches on and they're like, oh damn, I didn't know that. That's so crazy and it's so similar to what I'm going through.

Speaker 1:

Maybe you had children with your ex and now you're a single mom and you feel like you're starting from square one, or you're having to work three times as hard to be a full-time mother, full-time provider and also take care of yourself and love yourself. The shit is hard. It's not easy. Or maybe you're not to the family stage yet. But maybe you had your own place and shit hit the fan. Something happened right and now you can't afford it anymore. You're struggling. So you've either got to move back in with your parents or with a family member or with roommates, and that shit is hard too. It can feel humiliating, and once you've lived on your own there's nothing else like it. So it can feel defeating, like damn, I couldn't do this on my own, I wasn't strong enough or I wasn't capable. I needed help. So it can feel like taking steps back, and so maybe right now it feels impossible to get out of the hole that you found yourself in. But I want you to know that it is possible. And when you do the work, man, when you put your nose down and do the work, the pride, the power and the level of confidence that comes with it is priceless. It's irreplaceable.

Speaker 1:

I cry happy tears literally when I think back to that time, because before that time I was terrified of being alone. I didn't know it at the time, but I was very codependent. I had so much anxiety around being alone or being abandoned. I had serious abandonment issues and I now know where they root from, but that didn't change how it felt. It felt serious, it felt so real and being alone with my thoughts was the scariest place for me. But now I make time to be alone, I make time to spend with myself, to pour into me, and I love my family, I love my child, I love my husband. But my alone time is one of, if not the most sacred things that I prize in my life my morning, me time. It's sacred to me. I love it so much, I'm so fulfilled by it and I look forward to it.

Speaker 1:

And I bring this up because I know a lot of the people who have expressed these things that they feel like they're not where they're supposed to be or they're being set back, they're having to start over, rebuild. This is one of the struggles that they have communicated is that they feel alone and they don't love themselves. They feel ashamed and defeated for being where they're at and feeling like they have to start over and rebuild. But the thing is I want to go back to, I want to highlight the freedom and the power of a blank slate To start over and to create literally anything that you want, because you can and life truly is a blank canvas, no matter what you're going through right now, even if you're not at rock bottom or at a place where you're like starting completely fresh. If there's something you want to change, you're like, maybe I don't want to throw the whole canvas out, but there are some things I want to change. If that's you, you're still in a great place and you can still create anything you want. But that little reframe, that mental reframe of I have to start over to oh my God, I get to start over, I get to start fresh, I get to start from a blank slate that reframe is freaking transformative. And so maybe you're not at rock bottom, maybe this isn't a setback, maybe this is a fresh start and maybe you're exactly where you're supposed to be. Maybe this is the best position that you could be in right now, because you can go anywhere from here. You'll get to decide. And, girl, I don't care if you had to downsize.

Speaker 1:

If you're in a little shack, if you're in a room in your parents' house or a tiny little space with a roommate, or if there's just a wall divider separating your space from another person's, you can still personalize that space and you can still make that space sacred for you and sacred for you to heal in and to pour into yourself and to love yourself in. Because people laugh at me when I because of how much I loved my tiny 400 square foot studio apartment, like they literally laugh at me because I loved that space so much, because it was so special to me. So it's less about where you're at and it's more about the meaning that you give it and the intentions you put behind it. And know that no matter where you're at now, that doesn't have to be where you stay. That's just where you're at right now.

Speaker 1:

If you can visualize where you want to be, if you can visualize it, if you can think it up, that means that it exists In some realm or reality. It does exist because you wouldn't be able to think of it if it didn't. So if you can visualize it, whatever it is that you want the lifestyle, the things, the relationship, the dynamic, anything you want if you can visualize it in detail, you can create it. I promise you you can. And the only thing required is your full and undoubted belief that it's possible for you and that you are worthy of it. And if you're like Laci that's my struggle is believing I'm worthy. I've got other episodes for you or I can make a new episode, just let me know on how to rewrite your beliefs, how to change your beliefs when you aren't feeling confident or worthy or capable, because that's something I struggled with too. I believed magic was possible for other people, but I didn't know how it was possible for me. I didn't believe that I was actually worthy of it. But over the last four years I have figured out how to rewrite my beliefs, to support me, to empower me and to actually work in my favor. So if you want an episode on that, seriously reach out. Send me a DM on Instagram at Boldy Lacey, let me know and I'll answer any questions you have. But I promise that's the only requirement. You have a vision, you believe in yourself enough to take action on that vision. Then the outcome you want is inevitable. It's literally only a matter of time, not whether or whether not. So I really hope that this message hit home for you.

Speaker 1:

The overarching message I was really trying to get across is that maybe you are exactly where you're supposed to be. Maybe it isn't exactly what you thought you would be doing at this time in your life. Maybe you're not exactly where you thought you'd be at this time in your life. Maybe the dynamics are not what you thought they'd be, but maybe it's exactly where you're supposed to be and maybe there are actually advantages to being in this position right now, Like you don't have as many bills now, or maybe your bills just got a lot less expensive, so now you can save a little, or maybe you have extra hands to help with the kids, or maybe this is your first opportunity to have some real peace and quiet. Whatever your situation is, maybe this is actually a good thing, because the possibilities are endless, and maybe this is the fresh start that you needed to completely transform your life. But at the end of the day, it all starts with a decision and what you do with that decision.

Speaker 1:

I believe in you. I hope that you believe in you. You should. None of us were put on this earth better than anybody else. The only difference from where you are now and where you want to be is your belief in yourself and your worthiness, and what you choose to do with the vision that you have for your life. So I'll leave you with that. I love you so much.

Speaker 1:

Thank you again for tuning in another week. If you got any value out of this. I would be so, so grateful if you would take less than 30 seconds to give the show a five-star review. If you're listening on Spotify, you can only rate it, but if you're listening on Apple, you can actually write out a five-star review. This really helps with searchability and, of course, overall ratings. But in whatever capacity you can support, I'm grateful. Either way, I love you and I will see you next Wednesday.

Speaker 1:

Thank you so much for being here and, queen, give yourself a high five for showing up and committing to be the best version of yourself for you and your people. You are such a badass for that. If you got anything good from this episode, would you send the love back by DMing me on Instagram at Boldly Lacey, letting me know exactly which part resonated with you? These types of messages empower me to keep showing up and they also help me understand the types of conversations you really care about. All right, bestie, we'll talk again soon, but for now, it's time for you to step up and start being the badass that we both know you are.