BADASS MINDSET PODCAST
BADASS MINDSET PODCAST is the ultimate resource for women dedicated to cultivating a transformative mindset that unlocks a life of abundance, health, healing, confidence, connection and true fulfillment.
If you believe you’re destined for MORE—to BE more, ACHIEVE more, and to CONTRIBUTE more—then you're in the right place. Each episode dives deep into the power of a badass mindset, offering actionable & empowering strategies and insights that support you in reshaping your thoughts, manifesting your desires, and attracting life-changing experiences and opportunities!
It's time to claim the abundance that is your birthright, and unleash the ultimate BADASS that lives within you.🤘🏼❤️🔥⚡️
BADASS MINDSET PODCAST
From Over a Decade of Sexual Abuse & a Hardcore Drug Addiction to Success in Sobriety and Mindset Mastery ft. NICOLE POULTON (Addiction & Recovery Coach, Transformational Speaker and Inspiring S.A. Survivor)
Imagine facing life's darkest moments and coming out stronger on the other side. That's what Nicole Poulton has done. Her journey from enduring sexual abuse starting at the tender age of four to battling a severe addiction brought on by a skiing accident, and finally emerging as a beacon of hope for others, is nothing short of remarkable. This episode captures Nicole's raw and unfiltered story, from the trauma she endured to the triumphant wake-up call that transformed her life at just 21 years old.
Have you ever wondered what truly sustains long-term transformation? Nicole and I uncover the complexities behind addiction, emphasizing the importance of personalizing the recovery process. It's not just about removing the substance but understanding the underlying emotional triggers and shifting your environment. From redefining triggers to embracing the pain instead of numbing it, our discussion sheds light on the phases of transitioning to sobriety. We also dive into Nicole's unique CLIMB program, a powerful 12-week personalized approach that has shown INCREDIBLE results.
Preparing to break free from the shackles of shame and stigma is no small feat. Nicole's insights into combating addiction stigma through open dialogue and tailored strategies are eye-opening. We discuss how understanding emotional needs and breaking generational cycles of trauma can pave the way for lasting change. This episode is packed with actionable insights and inspiration. Nicole’s ultimate message is one of empowerment, urging women to step up and embrace their own transformative journeys. Tune in for an episode brimming with wisdom, gratitude, and a call to become the best version of yourself!!
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To find and connect with Nicole deeper:
Website & Coaching Opportunities -- nicolepoulton.com
YouTube -- @nicolesdreadlocks
IG -- @nicole.poulton
TikTok -- @nicole.poulton
Message Nicole "BOLD" on IG for FREE Resources to support you in sobriety & your healing journey!!
Share a personal story or submit a question you'd like answered in a future episode!
❤️🔥SUBSCRIBE to the podcast for weekly tips and insights to fuel your journey!⚡️
❤️🔥Add us on IG & TikTok @badassmindsetpodcast & @boldlylacy to connect deeper + ignite your journey and keep your growth game on point!!🤘🚀 Let’s goooo!
Hey, bestie, welcome, or welcome back to the Bold and Badass Podcast. I'm your host, lacey, and I'm fired up that you're here, because I am so tired of women feeling inadequate for not being further along in life and like they're crazy or ungrateful, even for wanting more. On this show, I'm going to help you cut through the noise, turn your setbacks into your success story and become the most bold and badass version of you. I'm talking about calling in the most exciting opportunities, experiences and people into your life and claiming the abundance that is your birthright. So if you're ready to make some serious magic happen, grab your coffee and water and let's fucking go. Hello, beautiful, thank you so much for tuning in to another episode of the Bold and Badass Podcast. I am really excited.
Speaker 1:Today we have Nicole Poulton, who is an addiction and recovery coach, a transformational speaker, entrepreneur and an inspiring survivor of sexual abuse. She's so inspiring I've heard her story personally, which is why I wanted to bring her on today. She has over 12 years in the addiction and recovery field. She's impacted over a million lives with her message, through her speaking and her coaching, and she currently serves as a coach and a mentor, guiding individuals, teams and families through the trials of addiction and sobriety. Her mission is to empower others to step fully into their potential so that they can create a life they truly love, which obviously you guys know I align with. So I'm just really excited to have Nicole in today, to dive into her story and to dive into all the things about sobriety and recovery. Thank you so much for joining us today, nicole.
Speaker 2:You're welcome. I'm so excited to be here. Like, honestly, this is my favorite podcast, so I love you.
Speaker 1:I didn't pay her to say that, oh my gosh, okay. So, nicole, let's start all the way from the beginning. Will you share with us your personal journey? What led you to become an addiction recovery coach?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So before I get super into it, I just want to put a little trigger warning out there for anybody listening. My story kind of taps on a lot of trauma and so if it gets too much, just maybe fast forward like 10 seconds or something. But it all started back in the day when I was like four is kind of when my story starts. I was like four is kind of when my story starts.
Speaker 2:I was sexually abused from the beginning. My first memories, and it happened for a good decade of my life. A majority of my adolescence was sexual abuse, as well as what comes with it, the emotional and the physical, and we can even dive in like the financial. It's like everything combined, just all of that abuse for so long. And ultimately, when I was 15, at the point where you have no sense of safety, your body is not your own I just wanted to feel alive, and one of the ways that I like doing that because I lived my life in such a numb state I love skiing, and so when I'm skiing I'm just flying down the hill trying to go as fast as possible and just get your adrenaline up. And so I was skiing and I went off a jump and I have, for those of you listening, I have no business being on jumps.
Speaker 2:Like I cannot land them to save my life. And it was the last day of the season so the snow was really bad. I love tree skiing and that just wasn't an option because it was dirt. What is tree skiing, so it's for? So there's three.
Speaker 2:Okay, for you at non-skiers, there's three options for runs, kind of. There's the groomers, and that's like if you ever go hiking on a mountain in the summer, it's the big trails, kind of like the roads that service vehicles can go on. Those are the cats, the groomers. And then you have the park, which is the jumps, where all the crazy people hang out and train and do their stuff. And then there's tree skiing, which is like runs in between pine trees, that it's just secluded and quiet and the fluffy snow, and so that's my jam, like hanging out in nature where it's quiet and you get away from the crowds.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's my preference, but that was not an option this day because there's not good snow coverage, so you don't want to be skiing on rocks. So I'm hanging out with my brother and he is more into the park and that's where the adrenaline is compared to the easy groomers. So I'm hanging out in the park and ultimately I go off a jump and I fly Like I am flying through the air. I'm as high as the tops of the pine trees and time just stops and I'm just floating. When I get off the jump, my skis eject from my boots Like there was no way I could land.
Speaker 1:Oh, my God.
Speaker 2:I knew this, so I'm like I'm not even going to try, and when I'm falling, like what goes up must come down, I have to land at some point, and the way I landed, I broke my back and it was the best day of my life. People get confused when I say that, but if you think about what I was coming from now I have a broken back and I couldn't be sexually abused anymore. I couldn't be molested, so it saved my life. But it broke my back, which then gave me a whole new world of problems to deal with, because now I had access to prescription medication. I had a lot of pain pills and it was at the beginning of the opioid epidemic, before we thought it was an epidemic. I got addicted very quickly and just spiraled from there.
Speaker 2:It was six years of being an addict and as time went on, I started drinking and smoking and doing some other things that are not ideal. And then, when I was 21, I overdosed, and that overdose was my big wake-up call, realizing I could do something else. My life can be totally different, I can actually make a change and I don't have to live in reaction mode anymore. And so it was like this big wake-up call and I dove into learning all about personal development and what that takes to get sober and how to actually process emotions Cause during my addiction. Yes, it was helping my physical pain, but mostly I was numbing the emotional pain caused from all the trauma.
Speaker 2:So as time went on, I learned how to process everything and heal and have healthy coping strategies. And along my sobriety journey I had people reach out and say Nicole, what are you doing? How is that working? Teach me your ways. And I'm like, let's do it. I realized, okay, this is a skill that I could actually teach people. And so that's what brings me to now helping other people get sober and reclaiming their life. And when I say the universe pushed me to rock bottom, you don't have to wait that long. Don't wait for the universe to tell you hey, you have no choice.
Speaker 1:You know you can make that choice now. Okay, let's, would be like there's no way. When you hear her story, you would never guess that, and it's because of the amazing transformational journey she's been on which is why this is so powerful. But I want to take it back, because this obviously didn't happen overnight. This whole thing started when you were four years old. As a four-year-old, did you understand what was happening? Like can you think back to the first time it happened? What was going through your mind and what was that journey as a child?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm glad that you asked that, because people have given my mom some hate of like why didn't you just leave? But when you're in it you don't really know that it's wrong. So growing up I didn't know that that's just not how your relationship with your dad should be. It wasn't until I was 14 and I was in an interview with CPS and they're asking me about you know, have you kissed a boy before? How do you know that it's okay to kiss a boy? And asking me these weird questions, and I realized, oh, my relationship with my dad is very inappropriate.
Speaker 2:And as a kid I knew I didn't like it. I knew that I wish it could be different and you can feel that energy, but logically you didn't understand it. So I didn't know I was being abused up until I was a teenager. And then, once I realized I was being abused, I didn't have the autonomy to stand up for myself. It wasn't safe to stand up for myself. You couldn't say no to anything that he said or asked or anything like that. And so then you're aware of it. And it's almost worse when you're aware it was, quote nice to live in the dark.
Speaker 2:But at the same time. If we were more aware of what was going on from the beginning, then I don't think it would have lasted that long, but it is what it is, and it's just abusers.
Speaker 1:Ammo is you being unaware and unable to make decisions for yourself and use your voice. So, as a teenager, you breaking your back on the ski lift. That day was your savior, because as much as a pain as this now was you having a broken back and having to deal with that recovery process, you were finally able to get out of that abuse situation. So drugs and alcohol and other substances became your escape and your coping mechanism. Okay, I just want to know what drugs are we talking?
Speaker 2:Okay, Like what did we get into?
Speaker 1:Give us, like, the full depths of it. Nothing is off limits here. We're a very open, vulnerable podcast community. We want to know the real stuff. We want to know the real story and the real impact. So take us there. Tell us how this was helpful for you, because we can look back on it and say it was unhealthy, but it helped you in some way, it served you in some way, which is why you were addicted for so long. So give us that story and details about that, if you would.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so when I first got access to my prescriptions, I I was the biggest hypocrite ever, because I'm in high school and all of my peers are going to parties and they're drinking and I'm at home and I'm like, oh my gosh, like I'm not going to go drink. But then I'm like over here snorting my pills and it's like, oh my gosh, so I'm using Oxycontin and hydrocodone fresh out the gate. That was the prescription.
Speaker 2:And then, as time went on, for the pain yeah, and now doctors are more strict on how many pills and how frequent you can get prescription like that, and back then it was fair game. So I was getting about 200 pills every two weeks and for those of you who have never taken these opioids, the average prescription now is one to two pills every six to eight hours and so you're looking at maybe four a day, maybe six for post-surgery bad pain. I was at the point where I was taking between 15 and 30 pills a day and it wasn't like fresh back pain. It was like two years later and I'm just taking 30 pills and I'm high functioning. I am not proud of this, but like I could drive on them, I would go to work on them. I had a prescription. So it's the whole mindset of like I'm untouchable.
Speaker 1:At this point? Was it still helping with the pain, or was this the point where it was like, hey, this is keeping me from the other pain?
Speaker 2:So this is a crazy part Our minds are so powerful that I was facilitating keeping the back pain just with my mind because I was trained as a kid the only way to get genuine affection is to be sick or to be hurt. My mom wasn't allowed to hug us or hold us because that took attention away from my dad, and so the only time I could be held or comforted is if I'm sick. It's like, oh, my baby's sick, I can hold her now. So I trained myself and all of this is subconscious. I'm not thinking like, oh, let me be in pain. But I realized this a decade later, like all of this, back pain is still here. Why is it here? Doctors are saying I shouldn't be in pain anymore. Why am I still realizing that that's the way I was getting my need for love and connection met?
Speaker 2:So in the time my back hurt really bad, but it structurally was healed and it was fine. So I started with the prescriptions the hydrocodone and Oxycontin, and then I just got comfortable with taking any pill. I used to swap pills with people that I knew had other prescriptions. I got addicted to Adderall and Xanax and then, after I left high school, I started drinking. I started smoking weed and I really got into cocaine pretty heavily and that's the hardest that I've done is the cocaine. And it's crazy. They say one and done. You're addicted after the first time, most often with cocaine. And that was my story. As soon as I tried it. It was this is what I need now. So it was just crazy. And then it wasn't until my husband actually, when we were first dating and he found out I was doing cocaine he's like, hey, this is your life, you can do whatever you want, but I'm not going to be with somebody who's doing cocaine and I'm like what Drugs aren't cool?
Speaker 1:I've never heard that before in my life Love him. I know right. What would we do without them? Up until this time, did anybody know what happened to you all throughout your childhood? Or was that your deep, dark secret still?
Speaker 2:I kept it a secret for a long time. Once I realized it was happening, it wasn't like I was trying to keep it a secret, it just didn't feel safe to speak about it. And then, once it felt more safe, then I was gaslighting myself. I'm like well, did this actually happen? You know like when it's under the radar for so long and it starts when you're so young, you're groomed into thinking this is normal. So then you're gaslighting yourself into thinking, well, was this over the line, or it wasn't?
Speaker 2:Until I was actually in therapy and a therapist said listen, there is a line. It doesn't matter if he crossed it one inch or one mile, there's a line and it was crossed. And then it's like, okay, I'm validated because, no matter what I know, there's at least one experience I remember very vividly. It doesn't matter if he did that for a decade or a day, it happened and the line was crossed. So once I was validated, then it's like, okay, I can talk about it to my siblings and I had already been talking about it to my husband, but publicly it kind of let me open the gates and tell friends and extended family and and just kind of pop the top.
Speaker 1:So how long were the drugs and everything like the addictive process? How long was that happening until you realized, like, oh, something needs to change. What was the turning point for you to start the healing process?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So there were actually three. I got sober in phases and that's what I teach with my clients. It's not black and white, it's not one day you are an addict and the next day you would just have to be sober. It's like what is the right process for you? Because mine is a unique story, just like everybody's Everyone's, yeah, but the first phase was I really liked my husband, you know, like when he told me, hey, it's your life, I really wanted to be somebody worthy of being in a relationship with him and he had a problem with the cocaine.
Speaker 2:So I'm like, okay, I'll get rid of the cocaine. And that actually took me. I had to move from where I was living. I was living like down in the Caribbean and I'm like, okay, this is just a party Island. I can't be in this atmosphere anymore, where it's just everywhere and everyone's houses and everybody's car. It's like it's always around. So I just had to remove myself from that environment.
Speaker 2:And then my overdose was that second big wake-up call, realizing if I don't change and I don't remove the alcohol and opioids, I will overdose fatally, like I won't be here anymore. And so that was my big, that's my sobriety date. But then, because I still had the back pain. My brain was that powerful and I was still trying to manage the emotions. I didn't know what I was doing.
Speaker 2:I kept smoking weed after I stopped the pills. And cause my thought process is like you can die from the opioids, you can die from alcohol poisoning, but there's no stories of overdosing on marijuana, so it's safe. You know, and that was my thought process, and at the time I didn't know that all of this pain was in my head. I didn't know that there was all this trauma I needed to process and that was just that next step I could take. And then I went and I started therapy, I started healing. I went down that journey and then I realized there was a very specific day. I remember that I got angry, something upset me and I'm like, oh, I just need to go smoke. And I went in and I'm holding my bong and a lighter and I'm like, oh, I'm using my weed to not feel, you know. And I'm like this is a problem.
Speaker 1:How powerful is it that you had that realization, though?
Speaker 2:Oh, it's changed my whole life, realizing that it's a crutch, and I don't want to live in a numb state anymore. I had to be numb my whole adolescence just to survive, and it's like I don't need to be in survival mode anymore. I can actually enjoy my life. And that comes with the lows, just like the highs, and if you're numbing those low points, you're actually numbing the highs too. You can't selectively numb and that was just a really big wake up call, and so since that day, all substances are off the table for me. But it happened in phases.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay. So two golden nuggets from that. The first thing that you said was you had to take yourself out of the environment that you got sick in. That's something I really want to highlight because statistics show I don't have statistics pulled up right now, guys, but you can look this up Statistics will show that most addicts, when they go to rehab, if they go right back to where they came from, they'll end up relapsing or eventually they'll find their way back.
Speaker 1:You have to change the environment that you got sickened. If you can't move, then change the people around. You, change what the inside of your home looks like, or whatever the environment is that you go to, these crutches, these coping mechanisms. You have to change that up so that you are not tempted to fall back into old habits and patterns, because we're wired that way. We are creatures of habit and we're going to do what feels safe and familiar. So that was the first big golden nugget is you got to change your environment.
Speaker 1:The second thing is it's not the substance that you're using, it's the motive behind the substance. You were like, well, I'm not doing the hard drugs anymore, so I'm good. But then, in this groundbreaking moment of realization, you're like, okay, all I did was trade out the tool. That's all I did. I'm still addicted, I'm still using this to escape. So a lot of us, we do that with food, we do it with our phones, we do it with weed, we do it with alcohol that was my big one. We do it with a lot of things.
Speaker 1:So, sitting and reflecting on this and maybe you're listening, you're like yeah, I'm not, I've never done cocaine or I'm not a weed addict or I'm not addicted to hard drugs. Can you think of some things in your life that maybe you are having addictive tendencies with, and what is the reason for that? What are you trying to escape? Getting that clarity is going to really help you in moving forward and healing from the things that are currently holding you back or that you're currently not satisfied with in your life. So I just wanted to say those really quick. But also after you had that realization and you were like, okay, this is the same thing, just different tool. I need to heal from this. What was the first step you took to actually start that process?
Speaker 2:So having it be the third phase of my sobriety, this is what really I get so excited about and this is what I have built my whole program on, like I have dedicated my whole career to what I did next. So after I had that realization, I just sat there and I decided not to smoke. Right in that moment I decided to feel and, as I was feeling, I was pissed off. I'm not lying, I was really angry and I wanted to change that, but instead I felt it. And, as I was feeling, I was pissed off. I'm not lying, I was really angry and I wanted to change that, but instead I felt it. And then I was thinking okay, let me ask myself some different questions, because in the past the question would be like can I smoke right now? And most of the time it was yes, I work from home, it's right next to me. It was always a yes, I could smoke. And instead of that question it was what would I rather feel? Or what made me mad? What was that trigger? And I started journaling and I decided I set a goal I want to stop smoking. But I knew that if I just tried to quit cold Turkey in that moment, I wouldn't be successful, or at least I had that doubt. I was really like I had built up some evidence that I can quit cold Turkey for some other substances. But this was my last one. You know, I had no other crutch and so I knew that to make it last I had to do it right. And so in that aspect I decided every time I wanted to smoke I would have to journal first and this was really groundbreaking for me where I'm before I would smoke. I told myself I just have to write down what was my trigger. Why am I smoking today or this minute? Cause I would smoke often multiple times a day. So at this moment, why do I want to smoke? And then, underneath that, I would have to write what are the negatives If I do smoke right now, and is it worth it? Kind of in that framework of is smoking right now worth? And enlisting all my negatives so right off the bat, it would be. Is smoking worth that cough that I would get? Is it worth being unproductive for the next four or five hours? Is it worth wasting the time that I have with my husband? Is it worth not really remembering what I'm talking about? And I made a pact with myself after I wrote down whatever I could think of. If it still felt worth it, okay, great, take a hit, you know kind of allowing myself to feel, understand, get perspective, but then still escape.
Speaker 2:So my goal, my goal, was to learn. I wanted to be the observer of my mind and train myself for this skill because I knew if I wanted it to last long-term, I had to build the skill. So I started doing that and it took a couple of months and finally I got to the point where I write down all these pain points and then I realized, oh, I should probably put a pleasure list too, like if I don't smoke, what good comes out of it, you know. And then at the end I would ask that question is it still worth it? And it took a couple of months to get to the point where I would say no, and that packed with myself. If it was a yes, I would allow myself to smoke, if it was a no, I wouldn't smoke. It took two and a half months to get to that point where it was a no. And then every time I got a craving and I've been doing this for years now whenever I have a craving or a trigger.
Speaker 2:I think back to that pain and pleasure list of is it worth it to break my sobriety? Because if I did, this is all the pain I would get. I would lose my husband, I would lose my job, I would lose all of these things, all this pain, if I keep my sobriety. This is the positives that I get, and I teach this to my clients how to build leverage. In the past, the universe forced me to rock bottom with my addiction and the overdose, and I don't want you to have to wait for rock bottom, but that leverage is so important. We need to have that leverage behind us, otherwise the change that we want to make isn't going to last. And so I fabricated that leverage through journaling and really just sitting with myself and reflecting, and then, ultimately, I added a little meditation to it, because why not?
Speaker 1:you know this is so freaking powerful and really the big insight here and I used to teach this with my health and wellness clients as well is the whole concept of observation without judgment. That's what I call it being the observer, noticing your behaviors, your thought process. This is really powerful for gaining the clarity on why. What am I getting out of this? Because, again, you wouldn't be so addicted or have this issue if it wasn't serving you in some way. But when you really put it on paper and you write out like, how is this serving me? Okay, well, how is it hurting me? And you're able to just look at it without judging yourself, without making it mean you're a failure, without beating yourself up, just looking at it as if you're a third party observer observing somebody else. And you look at it that way. You gain so much clarity and that's super powerful. And I know a big part of this conversation is about recovery from drugs and those types of substances, but there's so many parallels here with food that I just can't not bring this up. I heard something that was really powerful for me in the beginning of me learning how to be a mindful eater. So everything I would eat I would journal about. How did I feel before and after and that really helped me to actually just desire healthier options because of how I felt physically after. But it also helped me gain clarity, and I heard this from another podcast years ago that changed my perspective.
Speaker 1:Let's say you have a craving and you're like I really want Oreos. Or maybe you have a trigger and you want to go eat a whole line of Oreos. Allow yourself the first one, then wait five minutes and go do something else. Don't just like sit there and stare at the Oreo. Go do something else, make yourself wait five minutes. And if after the five minutes you're still thinking about the Oreo or you're like I definitely want a second one, you go back for a second one. And if your brain is still telling you, oh, but I want a third, you wait another five minutes. If after the five minutes you're like, yeah, I definitely still want a third, Then you go for it and you keep it going.
Speaker 1:But more often than not what happens is after the first or second, you either feel satiated and you're like, oh, I'm actually not hungry anymore, the craving was satisfied or you start to realize this was actually a coping mechanism. It's not that I actually wanted the Oreo so super powerful to gain that clarity and then to make better decisions moving forward when you realize, like, am I going to be proud of myself after this or is this going to serve me or support me for what I really want out of my wife? I love those examples, Nicole. This is such a good conversation. So, as we've talked about, addiction can come in many forms. Addiction can also affect people in different ways. So I want to know how do you tailor your approach with clients to meet those different, unique needs of each client?
Speaker 2:When we go through the program, that whole first month. Really, my program is about 12 weeks. Some people need less time, some people need more time. It's customized, but the whole first part of it is building that foundation and getting clarity. So right out of the gate we assess what is your problem, or at least what do you think your problem is. There's always a deeper, deeper problem that the addiction is actually a solution for Exactly. So we take it at surface level. What do you think that your problem is? Because to me, if you were to ask me what my problem was, it's like, okay, well, my pills, but if you really look at it, it was a whole different mess of problems. So we get that clarity and then we assess what is that problem? What mean does it meet? And if you are unaware of the six human needs, I'll go through them really quickly.
Speaker 2:We have significance. We all need to feel special to some extent love and connection. We have certainty, like safety, and then variety. Those are our top four primary means. And then, sadly, what a lot of people don't actually get to is our last two, which are spiritual needs. They are contribution and growth. And so if we look at those means based off of the problem that you come to me with.
Speaker 2:Typically it's fairly simple to just connect the dots and see what need is being met by the habit. You could call it a problem, but it's really just a pattern that you have repeated that is not in your best interest. Long-term, it's not sustainable. And so we look and connect those dots and identify what specific need are you trying to meet. And then we ask more questions of like what's going on with that? Why is that? What are other ways you could meet that need that is more aligned with your values and your beliefs and that is sustainable. And it is really customized because it's one-on-one conversations and it's a self-fulfilling path. Based off of how your first session goes, that guides us to your second session and your third, and it's just going to be different for everybody because all have different backgrounds and we all have different traumas and just different paths that we've taken, and so as time goes on, it just illuminates as we go.
Speaker 1:Yeah 100%, and I think for a lot of us it can be kind of embarrassing right to even talk about some of these things or to even face that you might have an addiction, whether it be a substance like drugs, alcohol, or whether it be something like food or your phone that's unfortunately very prevalent in today's world scrolling for hours and hours. But no matter what it is, because of that stigma surrounding addiction for a lot of people it can be a barrier for them to actually seek out the help that they need so that they can heal and grow and develop healthier habits that are going to support them. So how do you address and reduce that stigma when you work with clients?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So I have a couple of thoughts to this because, like you said, with addiction it really can come in any different form. So you think about the embarrassment of like, say, gambling, where if you've gambled away all of your savings and now you're living paycheck to paycheck or you're in debt or whatever, you put your family in a hard place. How do you tell your spouse? Or I feel like porn addiction is the really big embarrassing one because it's sexual and so it's we shouldn't talk about it and it's all hush hush. And then if we have an alcohol addiction, it's crazy because it's so widely accepted in society where we have the, the joke of a mom it's a soccer game and it's 10 o'clock in the morning, but she's got vodka in her Tumblr. It's like yes, and it's just a joke. And so everybody, I think the biggest thing is realizing that we all have something and so there really shouldn't be anything that you're embarrassed about, because whether it's porn or it's alcohol, or it's gambling, or it's your phone, it's like there's always something for everybody. And the biggest way that I really try and help reduce that stigma is talking about my own experience, because the embarrassment hides in the shadows. If you don't talk about it, then it's just that cycle in your mind and you're embarrassed in your head. But if you talk about it, nobody's actually laughing at you.
Speaker 2:People judge for whatever reason, but they're going to judge you whether you talk about your addictions or not. You know it's like. People who don't like you will find any reason not to like you, right? So why not be able to talk about the problems and solve them, instead of living with them and just suffering in silence? So I mean I share about my overdose.
Speaker 2:I think that's for me, one of the most embarrassing parts. If you want to call it embarrassment, I don't put that label on it because I've just talked about so much that I can shout it from the rooftops. But when I was overdosing I was literally hunched over a rented toilet overdosing. It's like it cannot get worse than that. I was in Vegas Think about how dirty Vegas is disgusting and I'm in a hotel and I'm overdosing in the bathroom. So I'm like laying out sprawled in this Vegas hotel room bathroom and it's like we have to at some point accept that our decisions are our decisions and until you take that full accountability and have that desire to move forward, you're just gonna live in that same shame cycle, and so I think talking about it is the best way to get out of that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I agree, and speaking is so healing. Many of the people listening have heard my story through other episodes as well. I also experienced rape and it took me seven years to tell people. I told like two people and I didn't really tell anybody else for a long, long time. I was embarrassed. I was very, very embarrassed, felt a lot of shame. I didn't even blame the guy. I thought that God or some higher being was punishing me and telling me I guess I got to give this other detail I was addicted to porn.
Speaker 1:So I was addicted to porn for six years and that was my big, dark, deep secret that I was so embarrassed about and I had the hardest thing I'd ever done in my life. But I was clean from it for a year and the night that I don't know what in me led me to watch it, but I watched it that was the night I got raped. So to me it felt like a slap in the face. It had nothing to do with the guy that did it, it was everything to do with me and it was like that's what you get you suck, you're a failure, you know, and in some weird, sick, twisted way that was my punishment. So I was embarrassed and I didn't talk about it for a really long time. And as I opened up and talked about it, I mean I talk about it now like as if it's nothing. I'll be like yeah, I was raped.
Speaker 2:I'm not, I'm not joking about it, yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm not joking about it, but I'm I'm not chained by it like I was, and so I think that is really important in the healing process. But, as we talked about, the recovery process can come in phases. It certainly has for me. Relapses happen sometimes, and it happened for me after that year with the porn addiction and then, after the rape, I turned to alcohol and there were phases of me not being addicted to alcohol anymore. So when it comes to that, I just want to know from your point of view, working with so many clients that are healing from addictive substances and a lifestyle sobriety, I just want to know what are some of the most effective strategies that you see for maintaining that long-term sobriety and preventing relapse.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that there's actually a lot of tools out there and for the most part it's an inside job. So those of you listening like, tap your chest, like it's me, it's an inside job, right, like channel your inner Taylor. So what I teach my clients is anything moving forward, like once we start the coaching, anytime moving forward you have a relapse or quote a mistake. You have to take the emotion out of it because when a relapse happens, there is data that we need to mine, for we need to start analyzing what happened leading up to the moment of the relapse. So, like you, lacey, being clean for a year, if you were to really go back and analyze what happened that day, that week, that month leading up to your quote relapse, you'd be able to find there were probably some triggers or some thought patterns that kind of had resurfaced that led you to go back to that habit.
Speaker 2:So, I've had clients that have been sober. Before they started coaching they had been sober off and on for three months stints, four months stints, and then they would always end up going back. And so as we go through the coaching, we realize like, okay, what are the patterns that are going on? Because any of you listening really there's three components to patterns and recognizing patterns will be the most important thing you can do in your life. I feel like and I don't know if I'm biased or not, but sobriety or not patterns are so important for our survival.
Speaker 2:You look back in time and we had to recognize that winter comes every year. And what's after winter, spring? It's like, okay, we got to start planting some stuff because we know winter is coming. Eventually we have to be able to farm and recognize the patterns of the universe to be able to just survive. So now it might not be as dire as understanding that winter will come every year, but recognizing, in the terms of sobriety, that there are patterns that happen, that when they are repeated we will relapse, and it's not until you recognize them. That's the first step we need to recognize there's even a pattern in existence. Once you recognize that there's a pattern, then it goes to the second step and that's utilizing it. Utilization, if you can use that pattern to your advantage, like farming, it's like okay, if winter's coming every year, we know we need to plant in spring and harvest during the summer.
Speaker 2:I don't know, I don't know farming we harvest at some point I don't know if it's summer or fall, but probably the fall. Anyways, we stock up our potatoes and we can our tomatoes. We do those things. We have to utilize these patterns. Then we go to that third phase and we create our own. So now in modern society, we understand okay, these are the growing cycles of these fruits and vegetables and plants, and so if we can put that indoors and create our own artificial environment, we can harvest seven times in a year. I think tomatoes are now. You can get in seven harvests in a year because of indoor farming and production and you can create your own.
Speaker 2:And once you go through those three, at least in terms of patterns in your own direct life, you can create the outcomes that you want just based off of the patterns. So if you look at habit, if I want to lose weight, okay, what are the patterns that are happening right now that are preventing me from doing that? How do I utilize that to my advantage? And then how do I change that and make my own new patterns?
Speaker 2:So, when it comes to sobriety, every time you relapse, there is information we just need to extract and make changes and reiterate every single time and eventually you'll get to the point where you have a trigger and it's like, oh, you know, a little light bulb goes off. I'm recognizing this is an old pattern, let me insert my new pattern. And it prevents that relapse. And that's where I've gotten. And I think that this is that peak of sobriety where, as much as I wish, I could tell you that you'll never have a craving again. That's just not true, because we're human, we have our same brain. But you definitely can prevent relapses, but it just takes being aware and the observer of your mind so you can recognize those triggers and just change them in their tracks.
Speaker 1:Yes, we're getting into the neuroscience here. Oh my God, this is like I'm giddy. I'm giddy over here. I love talking about this stuff. It's so empowering and so impactful and, like you said, with the patterns, it's like recognizing the patterns. It goes back to that environment, like you can't heal in the environment you got sick in, or I'm saying sick, but the environment that the problem was in. Right, you have to recognize without judgment, you have to be an observer, figure out what was the pattern and what's the new pattern that we're going to create. That's all neuroscience.
Speaker 2:I'm such a geek about it, I could talk about it forever.
Speaker 1:And you're so wise, like I had you at the beginning, when I was starting mine, my journey might've been fast tracked, or like way better. Oh man, If I had my brain today back then it would have been easier for me to girl Like it took a had to go through the things we went through and our journey so that we could impact people the way we do today, because we really understand the depths of it.
Speaker 2:Yes, and that's the whole goal. It's like how do I condense time for you? Because I'm six years in, over six years, point. I decided I didn't actually think that that would be possible.
Speaker 1:So, 100%. I have a few questions left, but before we jump into them, I really want to let you talk about your one-on-one coaching, because that's going to be super beneficial for some people here or you might know somebody guys that could use this. But I know you have some free resources that people can reach out to you for and just let people know where can they find you to work with you or just connect with you deeper.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So, to start off, if you know somebody who needs help, or if you are interested in coaching or interested in help or interested just in general of getting sober and you want some free goodies, definitely find me on Instagram. That's just going to be the normal person way to find me. My tag is Nicole Poulton. If you message me the word bold then I'll know Lacey sent you over here and I'll have a specific resource for you. But we can also chat and talk about what specifics you're struggling with.
Speaker 2:My one-on-one coaching is the best program that I know of. I'm a little biased, but when it comes to sobriety it is so customized and I take you through the exact steps that I went through to get sober and I've had success for over six years. And so at this point, like AA, I think it's like 2% of people actually stay sober long-term and I'm not trying to hate on AA, but my numbers are better. So there's a reason for that. There's a reason and so all for that community. But at the same point, like you, go to rehab and there's more drugs inside of rehab than out on the street. So, to have a lot of resources and, whether it's me or not, find somebody that can help you. I'm just saying I'm bent through it and so if you want to reach out just for some free goodies, go for it.
Speaker 2:I'm also launching a group coaching session, so if you want a little bit of an easier way to dip your toe into it, then you can definitely join the group. There's community and resources, there's a digital program that you can look at and do self-guided stuff, as well as the weekly calls, and basically it just gives you the support that you need. We go through my program. It's the CLIMB program. It's an acronym, it's clarity, leverage, intention, meaning and balance, and we go through all of the things that I had to learn the hard way that you get to do in just 12 weeks. It's super fast and streamlined. And then, as well, there's accountability and additional coaching on the back end If you want weekly meetings to keep it going.
Speaker 1:Yeah, awesome. I will link all of this in the show notes and where you can find her on Instagram so you can reach out now. Obviously, we're both coaches, so you might think we're biased, but we've also been through this journey on our own, so we know from the other side of things that it is really helpful to have somebody guiding you through this. I tried doing it on my own for three years and I was not getting better. I was not going in the right direction. It was to the point where it was very scary. I didn't know if I was going to be continuing on very much longer. Isaiah was worried, sick, like I had such dark humor yeah, that coping mechanism but he genuinely didn't know if, like, one day, I was going to do something. And so I highly recommend to have somebody guide you through this, whether it be in a one-on-one high touch setting or a group setting, because that support is everything throughout this healing journey.
Speaker 1:But one of the things is one for some people it's embarrassing. Or for two, some people it's like but that's a huge investment. And what if I fail? Like, what if I mess up? What if I'm not savable? What if I'm not fixable? Right, and that can be a genuine fear, and I know it was for me again, because therapy ain't cheap and coaching it is an investment, but part of that investment is making sure that you're actually in it. So I just want to know, nicole, for the people that struggle with the self-doubt, the limiting beliefs that they don't fully know, if they can believe in themselves enough to actually take that step of investing in themselves. How do you guide people in recognizing and transforming those negative thought patterns into supportive and empowering thought patterns?
Speaker 2:Well, first off, whether you're financially paying for help or not, you're already paying. Would you rather pay financially, get help, get over it, or would you rather pay in your health and your relationships and time lost and that self-doubt and self-hatred and all of those things? Because that is a price that you pay to not make changes? And so I think from that lens it's a lot easier to realize like, okay, it's actually easier to put the money up because it hurts less.
Speaker 1:That was for me yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and, and that. I mean that's how it was for me too, until I started actually digging in and finding mentors and coaches and learning that was the biggest thing, because without it I was paying and it was miserable. I was paying emotionally, yeah, and so there's that. And then, from the embarrassment standpoint, I think that that's very common, especially with addiction. But what's worse, honestly, having a problem that you know is a problem that you're not dealing with, that affects your self-respect and your self-identity, or your family and your family oh, the list is so long, but I feel like, at our very core, you lose respect for yourself when you don't make changes. Yes, when you see the problem, you know there's something out there that you're probably using as a buffer to not have to feel every emotion, because life is hard and emotions can be tricky. And so if it's to the point where it's not sustainable and you're not getting help, you are degrading your self-esteem and your self-worth because you're telling yourself that you're not worth it to get help. And so, taking full accountability and realizing that it is up to you nobody is coming to save you, and that's the hardest thing I had to realize, like it would be nice if somebody came and gave me a hand and said hey, nicole, you're struggling, let me guide you. I had to ask for it. There are people around to help me, for sure, but I had to ask for it. I had to be the one to stand up and say, hey, I have a problem. And but I had to ask for it, I had to be the one to stand up and say, hey, I have a problem. And I have a lot of problems. You know like the list is long for me. So I mean, if you feel like you're not savable, I was right there. I was suicidal, I thought I was damaged goods, I thought that I wasn't worth anything. And realizing that, if you're able to take the emotion out and you look at it from a third party perspective, we all have our inner child, and this is a practice that I go through too with my clients, typically when they have a lot of self-doubt or negative beliefs or negative dialogue, that internal dialogue.
Speaker 2:Imagine a baby. You're holding a baby, it's not you, just some random baby, and I don't know how you got this baby. We're not asking questions, but you're holding a baby and they're crying and maybe they want their diaper changed or they're hungry, you're going to give them what they need because they're a baby. They need it. So, as they grow up, ask yourself what age are they not worthy of that? Is it two years old? They need to be able to feed themselves and clothe themselves and bathe themselves. Is it four years old? Is it six? You know, at what point do we not give that child what it means? And as it grows it means different things. At what point is that baby not worth it?
Speaker 2:And so maybe now that inner child I'm not calling you a baby and get the reference guys, you were a baby and you are still worth it at 20, at 30, at 40, at 50 years old, to still have those means met, to still get the help that you need. And you have to ask for it. A baby cries to get what it means. Now you have your ability to speak. You don't have to cry. People aren't going to know what that means, but you do have to ask for it, just like a baby had to ask for it. And so now it just looks different. Instead of being 14 and getting deodorant, now maybe you're in your thirties or forties or fifties, who knows and you need some help getting sober. It's just another thing that you need, and there's nothing wrong with that, and you deserve it.
Speaker 1:Right, that is so freaking good. It's easy to see a child especially if it's your own child and feel that you would do anything to protect that child, to provide for that child and to love that child and care for that child. But a part of you is also that child and maybe you grew up in a dynamic where you didn't have that parental figure that was able to give you that love and affection and provide for you and protect you in that same way. But that, even more, is a reason that you can and have to be that for yourself. So I really love that explanation and that reference for that. Obviously, if this is something that resonates with you, then you should just hire Nicole. Nicole, what's a strategy or an exercise that we can implement right away, like as soon as we get off of this podcast, to start improving our mindset and our experience moving forward?
Speaker 2:Okay. So this is a really big ask of all of you listening. You're going to take 15 seconds. I know it's a lot of time. It's a lot of time being your dynamic, the audience that you have cultivated, you badasses over here. I know that you're into manifesting and I know that you're into meditation and potentially some of those mind tricks. So I'm going to give you a mind trick that I use to keep my sobriety, but it relates way more to just life in general and it literally takes you 15 seconds so you can add some breath work beforehand or afterwards if you want to maximize this.
Speaker 2:But it's a little meditation, a little chant that I would repeat to take myself out of my body and just let me float in a higher perspective. So we all have problems. It's really a sign of life. There's a saying that's if you want to find a man with no problems, visit a graveyard. If you are alive, you have problems and that's a beautiful thing. Yes, that being said, sometimes they're hard to deal with, and so if you're in a place where it's kind of stressful or emotional or challenging, no matter what it is I would suggest that you do this meditation inhale and exhale and then repeat, I am not the body, I am not the thoughts, I'm not the emotions. I am the soul. I feel this right now. I am a being of pure energy and light. I am that, that I am, and what that does for me. You can say it a couple of times, but literally it takes. What was that? Less than 15 seconds, Like 10 seconds.
Speaker 1:That was so powerful, even like with us talking and me not doing breathing. I'm going to put this in the show notes yeah, for real.
Speaker 2:I have one of these song bowls behind me. It's like, imagine you're just doing the song bowl and you're doing that breath work, and what it does for me is it takes myself out of these human emotions, this human experience yeah, realize, that's all it is. How big of a blessing is it that I can be here as a human, going through this, having the weirdest problems. I'm addicted to whatever weird, you know. It's like that's a human experience. But I'm not actually that. I'm not my problems, I'm not my addictions, I'm not my mistakes. I'm a being of pure energy and light. I am the soul. You can have all this self-doubt, you can have all of this resentment, you can have all of the negative emotions, positive emotions. It's all just a human experience and you can actually separate yourself from that and give yourself a little bit of a break from feeling so human all the time.
Speaker 1:That was so beautiful. Honestly, this has been one of my favorite interviews, my favorite episodes so far, and I just love it. There's so much wisdom and you can clearly see how Nicole is such a transformational speaker and how she's impacted over a million lives with this freaking wisdom. Okay, so I have two final questions to wrap up. I ask every single person that comes on this show. This is the bold and bad-ass podcast, and it is all about stepping into and embodying the most bold and bad-ass version of ourselves. So, nicole, what is something bold you've done in 2024?
Speaker 2:Oh, bold. Actually, I recently just hired a new coach. I believe in always growing, always improving, and I'm a coach for others. And how much of a new coach. I believe in always growing, always improving, and I'm a coach for others. And how much of a hypocrite would I be if I didn't have a coach? Exactly, I agree, right, I agree. I think that there's always a next level, and that's something that I did. I invested in myself, and I typically try and find a new coach every year, and so I found my girl and, yeah, we're getting going.
Speaker 1:I love that so much for you. This is awesome. Okay, the last one is a little bit of future pacing. I want you to imagine that you're on your deathbed and you're reflecting back over your life. What was the most bad-ass thing that you did in your lifetime? And this could be something that you've already done, or it could be something that you're still creating, in the process of or dreaming of.
Speaker 2:I have two, okay, okay. So one is current and one is in the future. Okay, my current one that I genuinely, when I sit back and I realize what I've overcome, it's so empowering and it's like, oh my gosh, I am unstoppable realizing all of that trauma and pain that I've overcome that, to this day, is the most bold, most bad-ass thing I've ever done.
Speaker 2:And any of you, listening anything you've gone through, you're here today. I would say, maybe the same for you, because it's pretty awesome, yes. And then, moving to the future, stuff that I can see in the future, I would say honestly, raising a family, having kids, raising children, having that new mind, the new generation being molded by somebody who's healed through so much I just having healed myself and being prepared to pass that on and not continue that trauma through the generations.
Speaker 2:Like those of you listening, I'm sure you've done the same. It's like let's put a stop to this generational trauma because we're done Like we're putting our foot down. We are bold, we are badasses we are. We're done with that. And so I think raising a family has got to be got to be amazing.
Speaker 1:I feel like we're soul sisters in so many ways, because nobody ever asked me that question back, and I'm not saying it like why does nobody ever ask me that? I just they don't. But both of your answers are actually my answers.
Speaker 2:Are they really? Oh my God.
Speaker 1:Yes, I reflect back over my healing journey all the time and I literally cry tears of joy and gratitude and just pride. Like I'm very proud of myself and that's my greatest accomplishment is the way I've been able to transform into the most beautiful and loving and grateful being, despite everything I've gone through, and then the way I've been able to change the following generation and my parenting and in my family. Now do I have moments where I'm not proud of? Yes? Do I have moments where I'm still triggered sometimes? Yes, absolutely. But at the core of it, I am not proud of anything more than how I have been able to heal myself and then heal the next cycle of humankind and human just being general, and so I love that so much and I love that that's your answer, and I cannot wait to see your little family grow. I'm so excited for that.
Speaker 2:Me too. I am so impatient, I'm like let's just, let's get it going.
Speaker 1:It's going to happen at the right time. Yes, as it should. So thank you so much again. Oh my gosh, I'm so grateful that I got to spend this time with you today and have you on here to drop these epic wisdom bombs.
Speaker 2:This has been the best podcast, honestly, like you're so fun and all of you guys listening. I'm so grateful for your time and just the fact that you wanted to hang out with us for this time. Like I hope you got something out of it because I definitely enjoyed it.
Speaker 1:If they say they didn't, they're lying. They're lying. Yeah, I'm sure I would say you can expect to see more of Nicole in the future. I've got some ideas brewing, but I love you. Thank you so much again. Thank you, thank you so much for being here and, queen, give yourself a high five for showing up and committing to be the best version of yourself for you and your people. You are such a badass for that. If you got anything good from this episode, would you send the love back by DMing me on Instagram at Boldly Lacey, letting me know exactly which part resonated with you? These types of messages empower me to keep showing up and they also help me understand the types of conversations you really care about. All right, bestie, we'll talk again soon, but for now, it's time for you to step up and start being the badass that we both know you are.